Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
