she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
