I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
