i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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