Buhtt sex?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
