dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
