I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
