yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she peed on how many people?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
