Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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