why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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