I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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