So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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