Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
