Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
