You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
