This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
