Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
