I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
