I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
