dude i'm inner monologue high
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
