I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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