he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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