Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
