I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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