Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
