we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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