Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
