this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
