So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
