Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I AM VODKA MAN
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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