he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
