Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
