Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
