yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
