i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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