Me too!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
