I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
