And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
