I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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