the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Randomize
