I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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