And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
