I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
