i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
