Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
