I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
