is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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