hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
