It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
