Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Actions speak louder than pants.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
