one two three fourrrrnication!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
