Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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