just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
